Ramblings

When you are trying to have a baby, you have so many expectations of being pregnant every month.  You get your hopes up and analyze every fleeting feeling that this could be the month.  Then comes the huge let down - not pregnant.  After a few days, you pick yourself up, dust off the dirt, and try and try again.  What a vicious cycle it is.  It is hard to do this over and over.  I cannot even begin to count how many tears I have shed.  We have ridden this roller coaster for almost two years now.  What I am getting at is, I am terrified of the high hopes and expectations these IUI procedures bring.  This is a whole new game.  I fear that the let down will be even greater then before.  I can't wait to know, yet a the same time I just dread it.

Wednesday night I decided to test out the trigger shot.  The trigger shot is the hcg hormone, which your body produces when you are pregnant, and is detected in home pregnancy tests.  I was four days post trigger and no doubt a BFP (big fat positive) test. The test line was a solid pink even before the control line could even show up.  ::insert a huge sigh here::  What I wouldn't do to just see one of those for real!  Supposedly it takes about seven to ten days for it to leave your system.  I intend to use test every three days or so until the tests are a BFN (big fat negative).  Then if I do get a BFP in about 11 days, I can rest assured that it is real.  Yes, I have a stick addiction - it happens when you have been trying so long.